3月15日 惊惧的训练

跟从的人也害怕。（可十32）

在开始时候，我们自认为清楚认识基督耶稣便欢喜地变卖所有，投身在爱的劳苦中。但如今却不敢这样自信了。耶稣走在前面，看来多么陌生。“耶稣在前头走，门徒就稀奇。”

在耶稣身上有另一面叫门徒寒心，使他们整个属灵生命似乎喘不过气来。这超奇的一位，面如坚石，步伐稳重，令人战栗起来。他不再是策士同伴，因他心里所想的，我一点也不知道，我只有惊愕的份儿。初时我自以为很了解他，可是现今却不敢如此自信。我开始体会到：他与我之间，有了距离；我不再与他亲热了。他在我前面，却不转过身来。我不晓得他到哪里去，那目的地显得极其遥远。

耶稣基督要发掘人一切的罪孽与忧苦，使他显得怪异。看见他这一面时，我们就不认识他了。对于他生命特异之处，也辨认不出来，所以根本不知道从何跟随他。他走在前头——一位陌生的领路者——我们却不能与他并驾齐驱。

要过门徒的生活，这种惊愕的训练，是不可或缺的。但有一种危险，就是回到自己的火场中去，点燃着自己的热心（赛五十10-11）。当惊愕莫名的黑暗临到你，要忍耐直到它过去，因为从这经历中出来后，跟随耶稣就成为说不出来的喜乐了。

祈祷◆想到将来，我的心是何等不安；犹幸我并非老是如此，所以我赞美你。但愿除你以外，我再无需抓紧任何东西！求你使我的热忱不减退，也不松懈下来。

March 15: The Discipline Of Dismay

“And as they followed, they were afraid.” Mark 10:32

At the beginning we were sure we knew all about Jesus Christ, it was a delight to sell all and to fling ourselves out in a hardihood of love; but now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is on in front and He looks strange: “Jesus went before them and they were amazed.”

There is an aspect of Jesus that chills the heart of a disciple to the core and makes the whole spiritual life gasp for breath. This strange Being with His face “set like a flint” and His striding determination, strikes terror into me. He is no longer Counsellor and Comrade, He is taken up with a point of view I know nothing about, and I am amazed at Him. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize there is a distance between Jesus Christ and me; I can no longer be familiar with Him. He is ahead of me and He never turns round; I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely far off.

Jesus Christ had to fathom every sin and every sorrow man could experience, and that is what makes Him seem strange. When we see Him in this aspect we do not know Him, we do not recognize one feature of His life, and we do not know how to begin to follow Him. He is on in front, a Leader Who is very strange, and we have no comradeship with Him.

The discipline of dismay is essential in the life of discipleship. The danger is to get back to a little fire of our own and kindle enthusiasm at it (cf. Isaiah 1:10-11). When the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come that following of Jesus which is an unspeakable joy.